I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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