we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
