I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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