There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
