you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
