apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
