If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
