I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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