She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize