She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize