I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
