Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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