the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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