HIV tests are more positive than that guy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
