He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
