Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
