We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
