I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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