it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
