I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
