I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
