I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
this is an emotional support booty call
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
