you would pick up someone in the library
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
