Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need help removing her.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
