She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
