I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
