Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
