am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
