he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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