We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think people are normalizing furries
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
