the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
