I'm laying in your front yard are you home
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
