I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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