How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
