ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
