ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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