watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
