If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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