2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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