you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
