my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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