dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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