So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
