I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
