i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
