dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
