your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
