dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
