my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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