if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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