I want to make a zoo with you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
