I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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