South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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