Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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