Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
