My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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