I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
