Non-Jews are for practice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My liver just had a heart attack.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
