so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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