Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
