Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
