I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How's work?
Spinning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
