tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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