He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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