I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
