dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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