youre lurking in front of me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
