she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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