I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
