We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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