Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
