can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I smell like Dick and happiness
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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