Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
