god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
