apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
