Where did you get a picture of my penis
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
