I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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