ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
