Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
